Football’s week of shame

IF David Attenborough were to have filmed a documentary on events in football over the past week it would have made interesting fare.

The casual viewer could have been forgiven for mistaking a portion of West Ham and Millwall fans for apes going through a strange mating ritual as the two sets clashed before, during and after a Carling Cup tie at Upton Park.

Grunting, growling and dragging knuckles across the floor, the goons who ‘had it large’ embarrassed not only themselves, their clubs and the English game, but also the entire population of the world.

“And here, the human who has consumed vast quantities of supermarket own brand lager staggers towards his opponent, arms outstretched and fingers making a beckoning gesture, before what anthropologists refer to as the ‘bricking it’ moment occurs, the human quickly retreating once more to the safety of his comrades,” Attenborough would say.

“He repeats the primitive dance many times over the course of a few hours, before finally retreating to his lair at night where he will recount tales of his prowess in the art of violence.”

There has been plenty of criticism going around lately not only for the actions of football fans, but also the players.

At the weekend, Nottingham Forest striker Nathan Tyson caused a near-riot by waving a celebratory corner flag in front of the Derby supporters, bringing back memories of the previous year’s derby when County midfielder Robbie Savage did the same with a scarf.

It wasn’t very clever. You also have to wonder what went through the head of Rochdale left-back Tom Kennedy when — after converting a late penalty that should never have been awarded against bitter rivals and former employers Bury — he proceeded to run the entire length of the stand (barely) holding a visibly furious set of visiting fans, cupping his hand to his ear.

I am sure that, having crossed the divide to join Dale, Kennedy was copping plenty from the stand.

His reaction to it was ill-judged and contributed in part to one portly Shakers fan (why is it always the obese who are the keenest pitch invaders?) making his way on to the pitch in a half-hearted attempt to get at the player.

While players could do their bit, though, the real problem remains with the supporters.

Too many seem to believe that by paying an admittance fee or by donning a replica shirt, they have the right to act in any way they see fit. Not so.

With all the fuss over South African female runner Caster Semenya having a gender test, it is high time that football introduced its own entrance exam at every club turnstile, with fans wanting to get in having to provide evidence of having two brain cells to rub together.

Expect attendances at certain grounds to drop dramatically if this is ever imposed.

mattchambers@oldham-chronicle.co.uk