Why I don’t toe the party line...

WHAT KATI DID NEXT: Got that Christmas party dress yet? Nope? Why not? Oh that’s right, because it’s only magazines that perpetuate the myth that December is the party month.

Let’s be honest, if you go to more than two Christmas parties then you are either moonlighting or you have a double life. Which one is it? Come on, own up.

Two CPs are enough for any normal man, woman or child. One for work/school/toddler group and one for friends/family/toddler group.

That’s about it. So when we see the fashion pages stocked full of sparkly dresses ready for the “party” season, we know all they are doing is encouraging this party myth and making us normal people with normal lives feel just, well, a bit normal.

So I’m here to tell you not to worry. You are not a lonely sad old Billy No Mates if you go to fewer than two parties.

Even one is acceptable. None, is a slight issue because you could always knock on the local church hall door and invite yourself in — tis the giving season, apparently. They don’t turn anyone away at this time of the year

But I would be questioning you more closely if you went out especially to buy a sparkly outfit and then turned up at the church hall bring and buy. But again, who am I to judge?

I am one of those strange “self-employed” people who have never been to a “works Christmas do.”

Never turned up at the office after-hours with a bottle to drink and my dignity to lose.

I have never woken up the next day and thought: “How can I face Mike in accounts after that episode with the photocopier/stapler/filing cabinet.” (delete as appropriate).

That’s not to say that I haven’t woken up thinking those things — it’s just that they have never arisen.

Subsequently I have never had the torment of choosing the right outfit but hand in hand with that torment goes the sweet delight in spending money on yourself just before it becomes illegal to and you have to start spending on others.

Boo. Hiss.

Maybe this year I’ll throw caution to the wind and buy a LBD anyway. I could wear it at my desk while I write my next column.

Picture that if you dare.