A million ways to annoy my husband

What Kati Did next -
Didn’t win the lottery this weekend. Didn’t win it last weekend either or the weekend before that.

In fact, I have never won a penny on the lottery ever. Not even a tenner.

I must have contributed heavily to lots of incredibly good causes around the country but nowt has come my way.

It got me thinking. What would I do if I won it. What would I actually do when I looked at the ticket and compared it with the numbers on the screen?

Would I scream? Would I calmly ring the number on the back and explain that I was the rightful owner of all that moola?

I decided on the screaming. I like a good scream at the best of times and if there was ever a good time to give your lungs a good clear out then winning a million on the lottery had to be one of them.

My next thought was, would I share the million with my husband? Would I, if it was I who had dredged behind the sofa cushions and scrimped together a pound, if it was I who had dragged myself to the post office and if it was I who had spent hours devising an excellent number combination?

If it was I who had done all of those things, would I write my partner a cheque for £500,000 and hand it to him safe in the knowledge that he would go and spend it on something really worthwhile.

The answer to that question was a resounding no and it didn’t take me long to get there.

It would be my money and I would spend it on all sorts of frivolous things that would really annoy him.

More bags, more shoes, more haircuts and manicures. More make-up and perfume and silly things like more cutlery, the expensive stuff and lamps for our living room.

It would annoy him so greatly that I would not only get an enormous buzz from the shopping experience but it would be doubled in the harumphing of my husband.

I came to the conclusion that winning the lottery for me was more about annoying my husband than scooping the jackpot.

So I stopped daydreaming about the cash and started devising ways of annoying him without a million pounds in the bank.

I thought of a few by the way. What fun.